Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Having Marriage Troubles? Wanna Know the Secret?

Have you ever had one of those days that a million thoughts are floating through your mind? The things you want to say, but don't have the courage to display for the world? You worry about who will read it or if they will judge you. Then again, you are certain there will be a couple who do! There are some things others desperately need to hear, but you're not sure you are actually brave enough to spell it out to them.
I'm having one of those days.....

I see people around me letting their marriages fall apart. They do absolutely nothing to save them. Or maybe they don't know where to start. Maybe they feel hopeless and think their specific situation is beyond repair. My heart hurts for these people because it doesn't have to be this way.

"For nothing is impossible with God" 
~ Luke 1:37 

I've hinted of the fact that Ryan and I are building an amazing testimony of how the Lord has worked miracles in our lives, individually and together. He's not even close to being done! Every day God shows us something new in our marriage and in ourselves. What I want you to see is the progress we have made.

If I told you we almost called it quits, would you believe we've made it this far?
To be honest with you, there were times I just knew we wouldn't make it.
God showed me how wrong I was.
The Lord wanted nothing more than to see our marriage work.
That's how He designed it! 

In the past (before we let God have control of our marriage) I tried to "fix" Ryan's problems. Somehow or another, I thought I knew what was best for him. Did I stop to look at anything wrong with myself?
Heck, no! I was as close to perfect as it got! <-- You may insert as much sarcasm as possible here!

First of all, shame on me! The things I was working on changing in my husband were the things that made him who he was. He is such a wonderful, good hearted man. What the heck was wrong with me???
Second, God doesn't make mistakes and He sure didn't start with my husband!

I'm not saying Ryan was perfect in this whole equation, but I wasn't making anything easy on us either!
We didn't stop to embrace what made us amazing together. We just saw the little flaws....
We didn't stop to think about the promises we made to each other and to God.

We had a non-traditional family, a baby, and loads of stress piling up from every angle. It seemed like every time we turned around there was something else putting a strain on our marriage (Have you seen our renovation struggles? Ha!).
In all seriousness, I honestly believe we have been through more marital strain in our almost four years of marriage than your average ten year old marriage.

So what did we do? We kept on trying to fix things ourselves and keep everything hush-hush from our family and friends. I tried to medicate my problems away with hormones designed to fix hormones. I read book after book that guaranteed a way to fix our marriage. I talked until I was hoarse about what each expert said and what we should be doing.
Looking back, all I can say is, "What a joke!!!!"
All this led to was frustration when it didn't work.
Guys, I wasn't raised this way!
One thing my mother always taught me was to turn things over to the Lord.
Why couldn't I do this????
It's such a no brainer, simple concept.
Did I not trust the God that ensured my very own salvation to be able to save my marriage?
To this day, I cannot explain what held me back.
I was such a fool!

Looking back now, there was a specific breaking point for us.
There came a time that two of the closest people to us saw what we had kept hidden.
These people could have helped us long ago had we just asked for it.
Not only did they give us methods to cope with some of the strain of outside forces, but they shared the most important coping method:
Allowing God to come into our lives and marriage!
Ryan and I both were Christians already, but we chose right then and there to give all of our worries, issues, and struggles to God.
That right there is what it's all about!
The weight of the world was lifted from our shoulders.
God will provide every single time!
He surrounded us with His unconditional love and took care of us.
He healed our hearts, strengthed the bond between us, and showed us a much better way to live.

The first thing I noticed was that God opened my eyes to my own faults and gave me a better heart to accept and truly love my husband. I walked away from all self-help books but one ~ The Bible. I stopped all medications and low and behold, my hormones acted better than they had since I was a teen! I prayed before I talked about touchy subjects between us.
I am so thankful we traveled this road together. I wouldn't change a thing about it because I am here now telling you how great my God is.

I have come back to the unpublished version of this post several times. The whole time I prayed that God would give me strength to share this with you all. Not to brag at all, but to give hope. I know that if I am able to hit "Publish Post" on here, I can maybe inspire someone to stick it out. Ryan and I didn't have the model marriage, but we make it work every single day. God is still working with us. We are very far from being "done".
God has made it all possible!
The biggest thing I have learned through this process is that God has shown me love and mercy when I least deserve it. It never ceases to amaze me. I have done so much wrong, He forgave it all. 

7 comments:

  1. Thank you so much for sharing this. I needed to read it today. I myself am trying to learn to give everything to God, for He knows what is best. Thank you so much Wendy!

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  2. I am so glad you posted this! I wholeheartedly agree with everything you said. It's not always easy turning things over to the Lord, although it should be pretty easy. I struggle in a lot of areas in my life to just let God handle it. I end up having to reach that "breaking" point before I am able to do so sometimes.

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  3. Thank you for sharing this.

    I am following you (suelee1998) from the blog hop, you have a great site. Would you please follow me back? http://susansdisneyfamily.blogspot.com/
    thank you :)

    ReplyDelete
  4. I love how your friends noticed that you needed help. No matter how hard we try to keep things in the dark, God eventually sheds His light

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  5. beautiful testimony of what God can do with two people with open and willing hearts:)
    xo:) thanks SO much for being brave enough to hit publish!

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  6. Thank you for sharing this.

    I am following you (suelee1998) from the blog hop, you have a great site. Would you please follow me back? http://susansdisneyfamily.blogspot.com/
    thank you :)

    ReplyDelete
  7. What a great testimony! It sounds so similar to mine. I have realized lately when women tell me about their divorce, they only tell me how horrible he was...never what they did wrong. I am so thankful the Lord opened my eyes to all my errors and changed my marriage into something beautiful. So happy for you!

    www.lorialexander.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete

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