Monday, June 13, 2011

Sad Day

You may remember that when Caleb got his toddler bed we decided to keep his crib assembled, just in case things didn't work out. I think it's safe to say that everything went very smoothly with the transition. I was fine not using the crib as long as it was still there. No biggie, right?

Ryan and I decided it was time to take it down and put it into storage. From the beginning, we knew it would be saved because Ryan actually built it himself. It was intended to be a family heirloom. I wasn't prepared to take it down at all. Silly me.

I stood over the crib, looking down and realized that one door was closing for good. Caleb is growing up and that part of his life has passed. No more rocking him to sleep unless he doesn't feel well. No more tiny baby. As I stood there leaning over the crib, I just started bawling! Ryan and Caleb looked up at me like I had gone mad. The next time that crib is assembled may possibly be the next time I am looking down at our first grandchild. Talk about floods of emotions! My sweet hubby paused long enough to embrace that moment and quickly comment about how we would rock at being grandparents one day and went back to taking it apart. Moment over...

Ryan and I didn't enter into marriage to have tons of babies. It was just never our thing. To be perfectly honest with you, we never planned on having any at all. After almost three years of marriage, I know that we're the type of parents who love the ones we have but that isn't what we're all about. I see people every day that seem to have been born to be parents. They live, breathe, and are totally consumed with all things baby/kid related. There's nothing wrong with that at all! But, I wasn't the little girl who played with dolls much. I was as far from the mommy type as you could get. I never had the inner desire to have as many children as I could. For years I wondered secretly if I was just too self-centered or selfish. Finally I came to the conclusion that it just wasn't for me. I was completely okay with that. When Ryan and I chose to have a child, it was exciting. Inside I truly wondered if I would get all giddy about the whole kid thing. I believe God designed pregnancy to be nine months long to give the mother and child plenty of time to get used to the idea! From the first flutter, the first heartbeat, the first kick....I knew what other women were talking about. It was a special, one of a kind experience that I am so blessed to have had. Caleb was absolutely everything you could have wanted from a baby. He was sweet, smart, and healthy. The Lord blessed us immensely and we are so very grateful to be his parents. It brings me so much joy to watch him grow into a little boy.

I didn't know this blog post would go down this path while simply writing about taking down a baby crib. I want to remember years later how I felt about these specific experiences. I will probably look back at this post two years down the road and think, "Girl, you ain't seen nothing yet..."

By the way, his room looks awesome and he loves it....

1 comment:

  1. I completely understand how you feel. I did better taking Maddy's crib apart (her crib is her toddler bed now) because I still have her highchair and pack n play around. I think once I sell the pack n play I will totally lose it again. I had a really hard time getting rid of her infant car seat. If I had somewhere to put it and didn't need the money at the time, I probably would have kept it. To this day I cannot really look at pictures of her in her infant seat because it makes me feel so sad that she is no longer my little baby. I am thankful for the sleep and added freedom of having a toddler, but I really miss that sweet little baby that would sleep peacefully in my arms or in her bassinet.

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