Friday, March 8, 2013

Struggling

The closer I'm getting to my original goal, the more confused I become about my journey.

When I started trying to lose the weight in November of 2011, I had my goal in mind instantly.

I knew exactly where I wanted to be.

I wanted to feel pretty and healthy like I did in 2007. I was working out and eating healthy all the time then.

I started looking back through pictures from that time....


Then something kinda dawned on me. 
I'm wearing those same pair of jeans. 
And they're loose on me. 



I'm still right outside of ten pounds away from weighing the same as I did when these pictures were taken. 

The problem I'm having is that it just doesn't feel like it's that close. 
I don't feel anywhere near that size. I feel like I'm still a lot bigger than that. 

I still feel like I'm this size some days...



Most days I feel like I'll just never lose those last ten pounds. 
I'm at the stage where I am just really struggling right now. I'll gain two pounds and lose it again just to start all over. All the time. I feel like I'm giving it everything I've got, but I just cannot break the fifty pounds lost mark. 

I'm going to admit: It gets awfully depressing/aggravating/frustrating. 

I'm usually the optimist and I try so hard to keep the focus on how far I've come, but it's really getting to me some days. 

I don't just share the good times here. I know what a struggle it is to lose weight and I know how very difficult it is for people because it is for me too. I'm not one of those people that can eat one salad and lose ten pounds. It's just never gonna happen for me. I literally fight it every single day. 

It's worth it, but it sure is a lot of work. 

I just wanted to do an update to let everyone know I haven't made any progress but I'm not giving up. I'm still hanging in there. One of the most amazing things I've experienced is the support from all of you. There are some days that have been really tough lately and I will get a random email from someone telling me that I have inspired them with my journey. That makes it all worth it to me and it keeps me going. 

I just wanted those of you who had brightened my day to know how important and special that was to me. 
(I seriously cried over a couple of your sweet comments.)

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