Saturday, May 18, 2013

Love and Fat

I really want to talk about how supportive Ryan has been during my weight loss. I've sat down to write it all out several times and I just cannot seem to word it just right. There are not enough words to tell how very amazing he has been. 

Before I lost weight, I was one big emotional mess. 
I ate every time I was depressed so it's no wonder things got so out of control. 
My husband never once told me that I was fat or that he wasn't attracted to me. 
He was supportive of whatever I was going through with my weight. 

My self esteem and my weight problem were the only things putting a wedge between us. 
I pushed him away because I felt so ugly, old, and jiggly. 
I loved him so much that I didn't want him to see all the bad parts of me. 

I wanted this man to have the girl he fell in love with....


Not the mess I had become...


I didn't want him to see the stretch marks, the jiggling fat, or my C-Section scar. 
I was afraid to let him love me because I just knew that he couldn't possibly want the person I had become. 

He told me he loved me no matter what size, but I always knew he was lying about that. 
I hated me at the time, so how in the world could he still love me? 

I've seen so many women heartbroken because they gained weight and their husbands voice how repulsed they are. I was scared that it would happen to me, so I put distance between us. I spent so much time devoted to raising our son that I completely neglected my husband. I was so afraid that every negative thought in my mind was also running through his. I couldn't face that. 

I didn't wear make up. I chopped my hair off and didn't fix it. I wore frumpy clothes. 
I let everything go. 

When I started losing weight, I still struggled with my low self esteem. As I got smaller, I had more energy. Instead of falling asleep early, I spent more time hanging out with Ryan once Caleb went to bed. We got more playful because my health problems weren't as bad. Eventually, we started flirting more and more. 

And I realized that Ryan loved me regardless of my size. I was the one that refused to love me at my worst. My weight gain changed the person I am. I'm naturally bubbly and energetic. When I was heavier, I was critical, exhausted, and depressed. 

I am so thankful that I stopped the ugly cycle I felt trapped in. 
The only regret I have is not doing it so much sooner. 

I am free to love my husband.
I can finally let him love me and I am so thankful for that. 



I am so very different from the girl he fell in love with, but I like us now so much better. 

I wish I had shared my struggles with him sooner because he always wanted to support me. 
And it turns out that he really did love me through it all...
Photobucket
button
I'm still doing Zumba and loving it!
I go to a class at church twice a week and then I use my Wii throughout the week.
I have seen my legs finally toning up!!!

Jennifer Rizzo Link Up

60 comments:

  1. Hi, Wendy! Stopping over from T.G.I.F. blog party. Love what you wrote from your heart! What a kind and loving husband you have!! Thanks for sharing.
    Ann @ Christ in the Clouds (http://christintheclouds.blogspot.com/)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you, Ann! I have been blessed with an amazing husband.

      Delete
  2. What a fabulous post! You both look so happy!
    Laurie

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks, Laurie! We are so much happier compared to two years ago!

      Delete
  3. I'm so glad you were able to lose the weight and realize your husband loves you no matter what size you are. That's such an important thing to know about our mate. But I'm also glad that you have been able to get to a healthier weight and feel better all over. You look great.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I've seen so many sad stories and I know that I have someone very special to go through life with me. It makes all the difference in my success.

      Delete
  4. For someone struggling with words, you gave tribute to your husband beautifully, Wendy. He sounds like a wonderful man. I commend you for exercising change sharing so openly about your struggle.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I had to write it out three times before I could half way get it out right, but thank you. I just wish someone would have been able to explain this to me a few years ago.

      Delete
  5. A lovely story! Congrats on your weight loss and your happy life - those things are blessings indeed!

    ReplyDelete
  6. Wow!!! You look great! I am stopping by from Prov. 31 Wife link up. I wish you and your husband much happiness!!!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you, Delora! I just love your name!

      Delete
  7. I'm so glad you shared and linked this up! It's hard to accept love when we have trouble loving ourselves. You are brave to write this, thank you.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It was a struggle. I don't like admitting when I'm wrong! For so long I wanted to blame my issues on everything else. I was unhappy because I wasn't taking care of me. At the end of the day, I cannot find my happiness in a person. It's much bigger than that!

      Delete
  8. Isn't it wonderful how our men love us? I had gained quite a bit of weight after we got married and it would get me down at times. Yet Jason was always so kind and he would call me sexy and other terms that just made me feel special even though I knew I couldn't possibly be any of that! Even after I lost the weight and he now expresses delight over my re-found curves, he never mentions how I was before.
    I truly believe these men do not see us, the way we see ourselves!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank goodness they don't judge our bodies as harshly!!!!

      Delete
  9. Dear Wendy
    i am so glad that you have been able to make your weight loss program a team effort! This is how it is supposed to be. Your husband is truly a darling. I don't want to sound frivolous, but to me you looked pretty even when you were over-weight.
    Blessings from Unite.
    Mia

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you so much, Mia! I am thankful now for the person I used to be. I can appreciate what I have so much more because of where I've been.

      Delete
  10. Inspiring story of the victory you found! Your honesty about your struggles is something we all need to deal with, straight on! Thanks for being a model of courage to us all! ~ Jen

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It took a while to get that much honesty out! For a long time I could not find the courage to even be honest with myself.

      Delete
  11. Hi, Wendy. I'm stopping by from Soli Deo Gloria. There is so much redemption here -- your self confidence, your marriage, your outlook. Thanks for sharing the hope here.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Our old enemy would like to set up a scenario in our minds and create a scene for you to view that is far from truth! What a destroyer of homes and lives our enemy is. I am happy that you have realized that your husband loves you no matter what. Thank you for sharing your incredible story at "Tell me a Story." Also I am glad you are able to maintain your weight loss.

    ReplyDelete
  13. This is a great post. I've been talking about my own food addiction the last 2 Wednesdays. It's such a process to unfurl, right? So glad that you have confidence in your man's love for you.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I've been addicted to food most of my life. The turning point was when I have been eating unprocessed foods. One day I tried some fast food and I felt absolutely miserable. I think it broke my habit of craving junk.

      Delete
  14. I love this so much and I can so relate. You look amazing.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you! I'm sorry you know how difficult it is too.

      Delete
  15. I have had take a trip toward learning to accept love from my husband, too. It is a hard process but so worth it! I like us better now also. Blessings to you! Love, Rachael @ Inking the Heart

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It does take time. This is not something many of us can realize overnight. Have patience and pray that your eyes are opened so that you can see the love right in front of you.

      Delete
  16. Lovely post. Through four pregnancies and huge weight gain each time, my husband has never said or hinted at the fact that my size or shape was anything it shouldn't be. I appreciate the reminder to thank him for that gift! Thank you!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Four babies? You must be exhausted, sweetie! Take the time to appreciate your sweet husband for loving you! They need to hear it!

      Delete
  17. Such a sweet story and what a wonderful hubby you have. My hubby is the same way. He has never ever made a comment about my weight whether I'm up a few pounds or a lot of pounds.

    But we really do need to love ourselves and accept ourselves. It doesn't mean we have to accept the weight though. I have gained some weight since I injured my back and want to lose it, yet I have several friends who weigh more than me who don't see any need for me to lose the weight. They just think I should buy bigger clothes, lol! But I am determined to lose the weight!

    Thanks so much for linking up to "Making Your Home Sing Monday" today!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. If you're determined, then I have no doubt you can do it. You will feel so much better too. I have three herniated discs in my lower back. My weight gain aggravated that so much. When I lost my first 20 pounds, I stopped struggling with my back issues.

      Delete
  18. Beautiful post from beautiful you--so glad you had the courage to share this. I'm sure it will help many people. God bless you richly and your sweet husband.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you! God has placed it on my heart to help anyone I can. I went through the years of struggle for a reason. If I can help one person find peace in their life by making healthier choices, then it was all worth it.

      Delete
  19. We truly are our worst critics. I'm so glad that you have found happiness again and wish you all the best!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I struggled with it daily still. I'd love to be able to say that weight loss made that part disappear. But, I'm working through it! :)

      Delete
  20. That is so great. Happy for you and I know, even though he loves you unconditionally,he must be over the moon! Stay strong and enjoy your life and your man!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. He is! Not just because I look better, but because I feel better. I am so much happier now than I ever have been! We can do more things together and that makes such a difference!

      Delete
  21. Bravo for being brave enough to talk about your journey! You are not alone and helps others to hear others bare their soul. Thanks for hopping with Thursday Favorite Things over on Katherine's Corner.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you, Tricia! It's not always easy to label and identify our own faults.

      Delete
  22. Very encouraging!! I am on my own journey (many twists in the road and physical trials as well) and I'm delighted to read your success story! Thanks for linking up with me this week.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I have struggled so many times. This time around, I took baby steps. I made one healthy change at a time and let that become a habit before I introduced another. It's so much easier than overloading your system.

      I had constant heartburn and acid reflux, three herniated discs in my lower back, mood swings and depression, and I killed my gallbladder. I was taking medicines left and right to help the issues with my body. Until I solved what was causing it (weight gain), I couldn't get relief. When I lost the first 20 pounds, my problems got so much better. Now I don't take any medications and I haven't had any issues for a long time.

      Delete
  23. I came over from the Five Minute Friday. Wow, you look amazing. Great job! I have struggled with my weight for years. Might I asked what did? I have tried everything, but as an emotional eater, it's been so hard.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi, Barbie! If you want to read my weight loss summary, it will kinda point you in the right direction:

      http://www.dailydoseofdelsignore.com/2013/05/my-weight-loss-timeline.html#.UaIW00AskYk

      If there was one thing I could pick that I believe helped me more than anything, it was drinking enough water for my body. Take your weight, divide it in half. That's how many ounces of water your body needs each day. When I started doing that, it changed everything for me. I swear by it!

      Delete
  24. Appreciate your honesty. Congrats, job very well done. You are beautiful, now, and then.

    ReplyDelete
  25. Yes! Yes to every sentence, yes to every word. I give a muffled but understanding "me too!" I know. Thank you for the wonderful post! I feel like I'm getting more energy with every pound lost too. Blessed indeed. :)

    Sheila

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Isn't it amazing how losing just one more pound motivates more than anything else? I have so missed this energy!

      Delete
  26. You are so beautiful! And your inner beauty really shines through! This was a blessing to read!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you! I have been very blessed and should have realized it much sooner!

      Delete
  27. Hi Wendy,

    Lovely to meet you :) I so enjoyed reading your post. Thank you for sharing your precious journey with us.

    I wish you both every happiness.

    Thank you for linking up with Scattering the Stones

    Blessings.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you, Anita! You are just beyond sweet!

      Delete
  28. what a beautiful tribute to unconditional love. Thank you for sharing at the hop xox

    ReplyDelete
  29. Psst! We at thet2women just loved this post and your blog and plan to feature it THIS Saturday over at One Sharendipity Place!! Thanks so much for linking up with us this past week!! We’re very glad you did!!
    sue@ thet2women.com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm so excited! Thank you so much!!! I can't wait to see it!

      Delete
  30. Thank you for sharing Wendy. It can be so easy to fall into the trap of low self-esteem and so hard to get out of it. Congratulations!

    Also, I'm happy to be your newest follower! I'd love it if you could take a second to check out my blog and follow me back :)

    Thanks so much,
    Tyson @ www.uplifting-love.com

    ReplyDelete
  31. awesome story and filled honored that you're sharing it with me.

    ReplyDelete

LinkWithin

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...