I know it isn't supposed to matter what the size is, but it really does. I've spent years convincing myself that I was not defined by a number. In reality, I was. I allowed the number 18 to be a part of my life way too long.
The numbers stick with me.
Never in my adult life until now have I been a size 8. I can remember being in the 8th grade and wearing a size 8. Somehow from 8th to 9th grade I skipped size 10's and wore a 12.
I was a size 12 all through high school. I ran track for two years and was very active in ROTC. I was always comfortable enough in a 12 that it never really bothered me.
As an adult, I've gone from 12 to 16 to 10 to 18 and back down again....
It's always been about the number. I spent time trying to convince myself that it wasn't. That was a load of bull.
When I saw those 8's zip in the dressing room this weekend, I knew I was lying to myself. Nothing feels as rewarding as a moment like that. That number stands for everything I have (literally) worked my butt off for.
Do you know how many times I came home and just cried when I went shopping with my friends? Those skinny girls were picking up cute little shirts that were two to three times smaller than the size I wore comfortably. Love them to death, but it was still difficult to be around.
Do you know how long I've walked past Abercrombie and secretly wished I could shove my butt into a pair of their jeans? That place doesn't cater to big girls. It doesn't take the CEO of their company spelling it out to realize that one. I've understood my entire adult life that a big girl doesn't waltz into Abercrombie to buy anything for herself.
(It's funny because now that I can wear their stuff, I don't really want to anymore. Go figure...)
I don't really know anyone who has lost weight that doesn't get excited over seeing those numbers drop.
For each of you that has supported me, I desperately want you to feel this same joy and happiness. I know what it's like to squeeze into the wrong size of clothing just because you cannot bear to buy the next size up. I understand exactly how much that breaks your heart.
I want you to know that you can stop being disappointed in the numbers. I don't have a ton of time to devote to going to the gym and I don't have a ton of money to spend on the latest diet fad. You honestly don't need it. I'm sure there are plenty of weight loss experts dying over that comment, but it's true. I did not work out at first and I still lost 50 pounds. After that I began doing Zumba. You can still lose a lot of weight by controlling your diet. Sure, you can do it quicker if you workout. I just want you to know that if you have limited time, funds or mobility not all hope is lost.