When I was in middle and high school, I ran track. I wasn't coordinated enough to play any other sport, but I just loved competing. I lettered every year that I ran. I quit after a recurring ankle problem and I missed it. I loved seeing how far I can push myself. I wasn't always the fastest, but I put everything I had into it.
As a freshman in high school, I (along with three other girls) competed in our state's track meet and we won 8th place in a relay! I've never been to such a huge gathering of track runners and it was overwhelming, but we did well considering we came from a school that wasn't committed to their track program.
This week, Ryan and I took Caleb to the same track I spent many hours on as a kid. We brought his bicycle and figured we'd get to walk a bit. Caleb's little bike got faster as we went so I decided to "race" him. To my surprise, I was actually jogging and keeping up with him without any trouble at all!
I knew two years ago there was no way I could have done that!
In that moment, I felt so strong....so excited....so alive. Here I was doing something that I haven't done in years. I thought my joy of running was a long forgotten memory. I ran, I didn't feel self conscious among the other runners, and I didn't hurt!
I have spent hours running in this same lane on this same track.
Never did I imagine I'd be chasing my little boy in that same lane.
I never imagined I would battle with my weight like I have. I never imagined a time that I couldn't run.
Something I realized last night is that I am free now. I am free of the weight. My brain still tells me it's all there and that I can't do some things still, but I am learning that I can again. It's a strange feeling and process. I have this new body and I'm not even sure what exactly it can do. I don't know any of my limits anymore. I don't know how far I can push, but I desperately want to find out.
I want my 6:53 mile back.
And I am going after it because now I know I can.