Sunday, September 22, 2013

Full Circle - Part Two

Two years....

Caleb was quickly approaching the two year old mark. My toddler was growing like crazy...and so was I!

On our beach trip, I wore my maternity swimsuit. It's the only thing that fit. I couldn't breakdown and buy another swimsuit because in my mind I didn't want to face reality.

I didn't want to purchase something in a bigger size. I didn't want to shop. No, that meant facing reality and I sure wasn't ready for that!

Standing in a dressing room.....trying on swimsuit after swimsuit that wouldn't look right....staring at my fat rolls and cellulite. No, I wasn't going there. It was just easier to pretend that things weren't that bad.

Pictures have a way of forcing you to see how things truly are.


An extra large swimsuit from Motherhood Maternity. 

Nearly two years after having the kid???

Oh yeah, baby....That was all me. 

I thought it was hiding everything. 

Until I saw the pictures. 

Have Mercy!!!!

Two years.

I decided that I was one of those moms who would never brave a two piece again. I accepted it and decided that I could be okay with that. 

I never imagined I could do greater for myself. I never thought I would even have the confidence to try for something better. My brain was stuck in this awful cycle. 

I thought that I was just too far gone. I didn't know how to start. 

How had this become my life?

Where did the fun loving, happy, bouncy person go? Where was my complete joy in life? Why did I have this beautiful family and feel like I didn't fit in?

Who was I?

Fat....depressed....sick....run down....lonely....lost.

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