My blog is where I hold myself accountable. I can't lie to y'all and show my face around here. If I gain, you're the ones who will notice. If I cheat on this whole healthy living thing, y'all will know. There's just no hiding it! It's no secret that I've struggled. I kept telling myself if I could just make it through Christmas without gaining a ton of weight, I'd consider myself fortunate.
The pictures on the left were shared with you in August. The pictures on the right were taken yesterday in one of my new outfits on Christmas Day.
Since I've not lost anything for a while, I've really struggled mentally. Some days I just wake up and feel so blah about my body. There are days I still see myself as the big girl from the very beginning. Sometimes it takes updated pictures and comparisons to put everything back into perspective.
The weight loss part of things was only half the battle. The rest of it is a mental and emotional thing. I've learned slowly how powerful my mind is when it comes to taking care of my body. Weight gain is such a mental struggle. I'm amazed that it takes so much longer to heal from the emotional side of this journey than it takes to see the results on the outside.
Taking a break has shown me some things over the past few months...
- I can maintain the work I put into my body. I have never been able to do something like that and I'm actually really proud of myself. I know now that I don't have to go extreme with things to keep from spiraling out of control.
- I've taken a step back to focus and remind myself why I'm doing this. It isn't to gain sponsors and new readers here (even though I absolutely love that side of it). It's about me...physically and mentally. This is something I have to do for myself.
- I'm reminded that this time around, it's permanent. I'm not going back to the way things were. I'm not starting over again. I think on some level I am scared to death of how much worse things could have been. I'm afraid of how bad I can let myself go if I stop caring.
The one on the left was taken in September.
I realize some of you are new here. You may just be getting started. It is absolutely worth every effort I have put into this. I struggle and it's absolutely normal. Please don't think that you cannot achieve your goals because you're struggling so hard. I promise that's absolutely normal. I've done it and just about every other person I've met that has lost a lot of weight will tell you the same thing.
Weight loss has never been easy for me. I have been concerned about my weight and had issues with food since I was in elementary school. I was never the small girl in a group of friends. I normally was the biggest. I've never had a healthy perspective of my body. I am a very emotional eater.
You are never too far gone to change things.