Tuesday, November 11, 2014

My Reason

This week I can officially say I have a five year old son. Saying that makes my throat tighten up and tears come to my eyes. I am so proud of the little boy we're raising, but his birthday also marks something for me too. His birthday marks the third year of my weight loss journey. 

Three years of working hard....Succeeding and failing and conquering. 

That five year old little boy is my reason. He has been the driving force this whole time. 

On his second birthday all of my shortcomings as his mama came crashing down on me. I was sitting on the sidelines of his little life because I was too obese and miserable to do much with him. His mama wasn't playing on the floor with him because her back hurt too bad. His mama would spend hours crying over how miserable her life seemed when she had the greatest blessings right in front of her. His mama took the pictures and cringed every time she was in them because she felt like she didn't fit in with her own family. 

I love that child with every ounce of my being. From the moment I knew I was pregnant, I wanted to be a good mom. I wanted the best for him. I wanted him to be healthy and happy. I've always wanted so much for him. 

For the first two years of his life, I didn't give him my best. I was struggling and doing all I could to get by. Most days the depression and health issues just seemed like too much to handle. 

The picture below, on the left, was my turning point. That picture made something in me snap. I looked and felt awful. I was balancing my two year old on my fat roll for crying out loud!  

These past three years have been life altering in so many ways. I didn't realize what I was missing until I really started to live again! I didn't know how my family would follow my lead. I have a little boy who prays at dinner for other children to have healthy food to eat and a husband who has recently lost over twenty pounds. I didn't understand how being obese would influence my mood, my thoughts, my career, or my friendships. 

This little boy has totally rocked my world! He's so me and he's so Ryan. When I first held him I never knew he would end up saving me. He saved me from a miserable existence and helped give me the motivation I needed to battle obesity.

The before pictures are still tough to look at though. I struggle knowing I let things get so out of control. I am grateful every day that I changed.

When people talk to me about my weight loss, I get the sense that many of them look at me like I have some sort of super hero powers. The idea of losing over 90 pounds seems so impossible and unattainable to many. I'm here to tell you it is absolutely possible! I am nothing special. I am simply a wife and mom that had enough. I didn't change overnight and it wasn't always easy. I worked at it every single day. I took baby steps and built one healthy habit on top of another. I still fail, but I don't stop. That's the difference.... You have to keep going.

Three years is a long time, but I've had so much joy throughout the process. I have celebrated every little milestone and goal met along the way. I've had an amazing support group. My friends and family have cheered me along the entire time. Many of you here have taken the time to write me and it means the world to me. You've been pulling for me too! 

I'm not even close to the same person I was five years ago! Every single aspect of my life has changed all because of a little boy. 

One day I hope that my son reads my words from this little blog and can understand just how much I adore him. I want him to know he's by far the best thing that ever happened to me. And because of him, I don't give up. 

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