Wednesday, July 15, 2015

Keeping It Real

Happy Wednesday, y'all!

We are cramming everything we can into our summer days together as a family of five. I haven't really had the time or energy to write in the evenings lately. Forgive me for just a little bit longer. I'll get to that in just a moment....

I've spent a lot of time with my family and I have so enjoyed it. Caleb has been more rambunctious with his brother and sister around for the summer. He's finally at an age that he can keep up with the two oldest. 


He's definitely our crazy one out of the bunch and I wouldn't have it any other way! We are less than a month away from Kindergarten. How did this happen??? School clothes have been purchased, school supplies have been ordered, and he's registered. Nowhere along the way have I been prepared enough to face this. 


My stepdaughter has become our Zumba® fitness DJ for the past couple of weeks and runs our sound system during classes. It makes life a LOT easier! We've had a blast finding new music to choreograph.



My husband has been my strength lately. I found out that my EBV is still active. You can read about my diagnosis {HERE}. I have been battling it since March and things are not getting any better. My energy levels have reached an all time low and it's starting to really get to me. We are trying one more round of steroid treatments, more injections, combined with lots of rest. If that does not force it into remission, my doctor has suggested transfusions.

In an ideal world, I would cut back on work and not teach Zumba® fitness. In reality, I can't give up either. Zumba® classes are my only "me" time. The only energy I get at this point is the adrenaline rush that comes from a class. I honestly feel like they are my only saving grace. I've agreed to teach twice a week and chill the rest of the time.

My husband has stepped up to help out around the house and with things I need. He has taken so much off of me, but I am struggling over it. I have a new home that I need to be working on. I have three kids at home that I cook, clean, and care for. I have a full time job that is in full summer swing. I struggle with saying no to things and now I am having to just stop. In my mind if I am not pulling my own weight, I feel lazy and useless. I've never been in that position before. No one has had to take care of me in almost ten years. It's a hit to my independence and every single ounce of my soul that strives to be a good wife and mother.

Right now I am struggling with gaining and losing weight over and over. Some days, I feel better and like I can tackle the world. Then I have days that completely knock me down. I'm an emotional eater so you can probably guess what happens when I don't feel well. Combine it with all the stress of owning two homes, tackling a renovation, waiting on the other house to close, working full time, juggling a household of five..... And I gain weight.

Let me tell you, it totally screws with your head. You're down because you feel like complete crap. Then you gain weight on top of it with stress and steroids. Then having to come here and tell y'all about gaining weight? I'm supposed to be helping you lose weight. What can I talk to you about? I feel like I'm failing all the way around here, friends. I get up in front of ladies to teach Zumba® classes and my mind goes into stress mode thinking, "They can see me gaining weight and I am trying to help them lose.... There's something totally wrong with this picture."

So basically my mind is really going overboard with life lately. Hang in here with me and I will update as I can. We should know a little more by next week about how to proceed with things. And if you know me in real life, just be patient with me.



On to happier things... Caleb and my stepson are inseparable. Where there's one, there's the other. Caleb thinks he's the coolest person around and I think it's pretty awesome!


So I think that pretty much catches you up on everything around here for now. I'm working on another Zumba® fitness playlist. Anyone using the other two? 

7 comments:

  1. Wendy - I do not know you "in real life" but I do read your blog, and please dont ever think you are doing any harm by being real. I totally appreciate and enjoy reading whats going on with you. You've inspired me, made me laugh and I always feel like I can relate to you, which is honestly, the best part of reading your blog. Keep up the great work and go easy on yourself :) Enjoy the rest of your summer!!

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    1. Thank you so much for your kind words today, Jessica. They mean a lot! I'm hanging in here. My mind has a million things to do and eventually my body will catch back up with it. :)

      But seriously, thank you!

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  2. You are totally not failing at anything, but I do get how you feel I have been there it sucks when you feel your independence is going away. Just remember they wouldn't be there helping take burdon off if they didn't love you. Your husband knows you and knows when you need help weather you admit you do or not so take the help get your health back on track and know that there will be a time you can pay it back to those helping you thru this time. Stress and weight gain suck but I guarantee you no one is looking at you at zumba saying anything negative about it heck most probably don't notice cause they are worried about how they look and if anyone can see their muffin top or the extra weight from stress eating or life being crazy. So just rest up enjoy the family time and know it will all work out and you'll be your usual energetic self again.

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  3. Wendy, you are awesome, I love how you keep it real. People aren't perfect and all we can do is keep trying. I love that about reading your blog every week, no matter what you keep trying, and it's an inspiration to me. We all have good days and bad days, and sometimes a bunch of one get lumped together. Just hang in there. You'll make it through and you'll have some fantastic insight to share with us. Until then, we'll just be hanging around rooting for you. Keep up the good work and enjoy your summer :-)

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  4. I hope you feel better soon! Have you considered doing a Whole30 (or Whole14 or something) to get yourself in a better place? I've been considering a short version because I've been so off and unable to really get things all the way back on track.

    Let me tell you... every time I see your kids, I cannot believe you have kids that old! You look so young :)

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  5. Wendy -- you always gain weight when on steroids. Its a fact. You need to concentrate on getting well. Then you can concentrate on a healthy weight.

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  6. Wendy,
    I have followed your blog from the beginning, and you have inspired me in so many ways. But one of the reasons that I follow you is that you are real. You don't just blog about your weight losses, but also blog about your struggles and gains. That makes you relate able to me. When you blog about stress and stress eating or gaining weight, and i am going thru the same thing, it helps me get thru it and I am able to pull myself up because I don't feel like I am alone.
    When life gets busy, remember to take the time for you - as they say - if you were on an airplane and it was going down, you have to put the oxygen mask on yourself before you can save anyone else.
    We are all here supporting you as you have been here for us...

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