Friday, March 26, 2010

A tough decision...

Some of you may not know that I have recently had some health problems since I had Caleb. I received the news from my doctor that Ryan and I may need to make some sort of decision about whether or not to have any more children together. While many of our family members are pulling for us to give them a little girl next, we have to weigh out the options. The pregnancy was extremely tough on my body. Combine that with a really long delivery and a C-Section and I pretty much equal a mess! While I thought that Caleb would be my one and only, over the past four months I have grown extremely attached to being a mommy. I enjoy every bit of it and I miss when Caleb was itty bitty. I guess somewhere inside my maternal instincts have kicked in and are causing me to keep wanting to enjoy the feelings of being a mother. What I did not expect was my husband's reaction to my doctor's news today: Ryan seriously wanted to know if I was ready to try again. I wasn't prepared for that. I was only prepared for Ryan trying to convince me to wait just a little longer and maybe even say not at all. What was he thinking??? (At this point in my blog, I can hear my mom and and Aunt Debbie squealing in the background. Ladies, please call and confirm this later.)

Am I physically ready to put myself through that again? Am I emotionally ready? Is Caleb ready? When Ryan and I thought about trying the first time, Dad told me, "If you wait until you are ready to have a child, that time will never come. There will always be something pushing it further back on the list." I know he's right. I know now is about a good a time as any. Caleb is young. He's not used to being the only child. Ryan and I are still young. Would we regret one day if we choose not to have another child? Would we be happy enough spoiling the heck out of Caleb? There are so many unanswered questions today. I believe God will lead me down the correct path. I am going to pray about it and just wait for His answer. Sometimes I think that whatever happens, happens. Just let things go their natural course. I consulted my dad (my go-to guy for all things complicated) and the biggest grin spread across his face. Then he made some dumb comment about watching myself around that "Del Signore" boy at night! (Sorry, Dad, I think it's a little late for that!) Okay, seriously, he was no help in this matter. My mom won't be either. I know where she stands (she'd have fifty children if her body and money could have afforded it). My father-in-law was even wanting to know when we were having another before I even delivered my son! Yeah, I think the odds are stacked in their favor if we were to cast a vote.

For now Ryan and I choose to pray, think, and let things happen as they may. If you care to send prayers our way, please pray that God guide us down the right path. Thanks!

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